FEAR we keep NEAR

Time and again we all recount a fear in our life no matter how illogical or impractical it might be. But it is one of the most impressive psychological aspects in one’s lie because this single term has till date got no perfect definition. Whoever dares to coin it under his name have also a hidden fear hitting him in the back of his lobe as his definition might become obsolete in the next wink of the eye.

Still we care to tame any such fear which in some point of our life line can erupt to turn all our fame into a shame. The impact of a fear can be so grave and devastating that it can shatter our dreams no matter how paranormal and absurd the outcome may be.

But to what I believe though might change as it touches the feeling of the other reading this frame that the biggest fear is of falling in our own eyes and accumulate sufficient amount of valor thereafter to rise and stand tall before we dare to reply our conscience. It is the only reason we dare to speak a lie in font of even our own shadow and reflection.

All the rest can merely be depicted as something close to any concocted tale or a superstitious belief because the same havoc or hoax for one can be a pot of joke or a prank to the other.

Lack of self confidence or tides of laziness many a times turn into a fear to even utter a phrase which indirectly puts a blot on our persona without desired positive wish and whim. Poison of a chemical can be made to taste as nectar if we trust ourselves to face any consequences approaching our way shredding and slicing the piece of fear on a trivial note because fear lies in the mind and can never be inside our core and as we all can trust on this concept that anything wrong or immoral is a plot of our brain not of the heart nullifying any possible trace of illusion.

Fear of one’s mind can be addressed as a replica of darkness whereas the wit of a clean soul can be put close to that of a bright sunshine even if it might fail to appear on the first instance of cloud disappearance. But ignoring the post effect of a calculative fear out of a creative and futuristic mind might lead to sarcastic consequences if at some dot of time frame we presume to lets our wits overshadow and cover the emotions. Sometimes even a realistic and creative mind with a thin curve of fear running in parallel can yield a better feedback than a core filled with exaggerated feelings.

SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

CONFESSION with no OBSESSION

Before the sea-side rocks turn into pebbles by the continuous striking of the sharp waves with time I would really feel honored to accumulate this amount of guts for a confession with no trace of an obsession. These are few from the bunch of heart touching moments deciphered in the pages of my memoir which have almost lost it shine but still maintaining the fragrance with dog-ear ends. Well it might not make any impact to those who may fail to get the feel going to the depth of those moments.

I was perhaps still at that age when my milk teeth were not grown to the fullest but still manage to recall as this moment left me in utter embarrassment and toiling to turn the time where I now myself address myself as a perfect example to the term called selfish. My paternal grandma used to visit the temples and offer prayers every alternate day and it was one of those falling in a week when she as usual returned with the “prasad” (usually a mixture of soaked grams, small coconut pieces prepared by sprinkling few traces of salt) wrapped in her handkerchief. Since I was the elder grandson of her only son so, she had an extra bit of care and affection for me than to my younger brother. She offered me the “prasad” on both my small cupped palms and also my mouth lifted upwards like I did in any of the normal days. Unknowingly, just a small piece of coconut fell on the floor from my congested mouth which was already wide open. My one and only brother who was a year and thirteen days younger to me was innocently gazing at me quite anxiously as to when his turn might come to enjoy the same, picked that small piece of coconut and was about to put it in his mouth but unfortunately, I saw and yelled in a chocking tone as my mouth was already full as to how could he dare to have even a speck of stuff that was meant primarily for me. To my shame and his divine core of care, he instantly raised his hand in front of my mouth with a smile and returned the piece.

Next similar sort of an incident occurred when I was in my 2^nd grade and he being in his 1^st. As I mentioned above that we both were the only grandsons to my paternal grandparents as our father was the sole owner of the next generation so we grew up with hell lot of pamper and care encapsulated with cuddles. Our grandpa at times used to bring us home from school instead of our mom and on the way he takes us to various restaurants to feed us with chocolates or any sweets before the normal lunch waiting at home. In one of those days I left my water bottle in the restaurant itself and later realized after moving almost 500 meters from the spot. So our grandpa asked us to stay unmoved and decided to go back and bring the water bottle. Since I was restless and impatient from the very 1^st step of my life so I asked my brother if he could wait alone for our grandpa where, on the contrary I was desperate to move ahead. My brother did not felt the taste the gravity of such a situation but I though could at least get the few drops as an elder had decided not to stop as perhaps at that age it was a waste of time rather than the performing the responsibility bestowed upon me as an elder brother. Later when I reached home could felt the grave blunder committed by me hidden under fear and tears. As obvious, my younger bother was weeping instead of a loud cry as because he was stupefied to find himself all alone among the various unknown faces crossing him which automatically gathered a crowd. Our grandpa finally made me fall in utter pale look with his rude but matured behavior which still gnaws in my core as how could I be so self concentrated.

Following with the growth of skin and age I once again proved myself to fall in my own eyes with a rather awkward but similar incident when I was in my 6^th grade. I had a bad habit of speaking lies though at times not to cover myself but not to breach the harmony of a peaceful home. Those days our father used to come up for lunch in the mid day break as the office was pretty close and we were residing in a government quarter. He is still a strict disciplinarian who at that time used to use his hands rather than the mouth especially while being at home just for the lunch and would return without any rest. Trust me, I clearly cannot encode as to in which point of activity my brother caught me as he was by mind and soul, a mile more matured and understanding added to his sincerity than me. Unbelievable but true, as I could sense the tension approaching my way in the form of slaps and ear-pull as soon as our father will arrive for the lunch because my brother will definitely complain him about my nuisance which I should not be committing at that growth of maturity. So I started thrashing him from head to foot honestly without any reason so that I finish my quota if he saves himself from our dad and in a secret way compelling him to stay numb and dumb behaving as if nothing unusual happened which could put a blot over the peaceful environment mongering inside our home. My innocent brother was continuously trying to incur the valid cause behind such a drastic and sarcastic approach to him but shamelessly with the fear of not being able to admit to what I did wrong I kept hurting him so bad that he had marks left over different parts of his soft and tender skin late after this havoc phase was over.

I still wonder and cry silently in utter solace with honest and touching care as to how would have he felt when I was a cynosure of any above top three sadistic moments which I count till date in shame and pain. At times I even feel like spitting on myself by looking up. But on this tick of clock pulse my brother is just next to my parents whom I care and love the most out of gratitude and respect who by a million and one reason should be born elder to me rather than thirteen days and a year younger. I feel no hesitation in personifying him as my mentor in most of the facets of my life studded with extreme support and declare on all positive points in this note of true confession that such a feeling will never come to an end even if time decides something opposite and odd where all of us would dare to walk on hands rather on foot but except me.

SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

EXISTING BUT CONFLICTING.

Read it somewhere that we judge ourselves to what we, can do but people judge us to what we have done. If it really has to be the bitter truth then how come it is not followed in all the facets of a human life? Why then this particular concept still exists in our stereotype society that no one else except the omnipotent and we, ourselves can judge us the best?

Even a criminal who is asked to stay in a desolate island as a part of his trial, tries to be in search of any living creature to start a relation and grow along? Many amongst us dare to encode that they are the happiest one when mingled in utter solace till their final sleep grabs them in harmony and peace. But to be honest enough we all somehow or the other find it next to impossible to be lonely and cry alone. And as soon as we get ourselves tied in a knot of feeling with someone, the concept of expectation starts to sprout in our minds and make us restless. Now the shadow of sadness and the dampness of tears begin to crush our thoughts and finally leading to a heavy core out of certain innocent feelings of dejection and negligence as soon as we begin to ignite our genes for such an approach. This kind of a heart pinning condition appears just because of an impractical and orthodox society which follows a frame that we will fall in the list of good book holders if do not even dream to expect anything from the one in touch with us on a positive note and also can become the best to the same if we fulfill their expectations.

If there really is the presence of any such society which not fall under the colors that I smeared in painting the hidden mirror and finding it hard enough to reflect the open pot holes why then we fail to figure out the difference between an image and a mirage? Here again the odd lacuna lies to depict the dead metamorphosis of time where we human beings still upholding the shameful beliefs and introducing ourselves as illiterates in the eye of our conscience. The trauma of being a part of such sucking venom where if we maintain a smooth graph with the one at close there lies not even a drop of blemish or defamation but due to certain bitter impulse we fail and unintentionally create the first loop proceeding towards the slope of the Y-axis then in no time we fall in the list of the foes among those in the context. Next, they do not even waste an extra second to recall only those pinching points in front of any anonymous who was bitten by the same snake because we all know that that every foe’s foe is a friend no matter how far you even sacrificed your tears but they never give a second thought before personifying you on a negative note.

Then why should we be gnawing at heart to be in a relation or grow the one we already into with smiles and faith when no life can analyze and change this sort of long lasting jaw dropping doctrine before time. Although such a revolution can only be brought to come alive only if we can become immortal and such possibility is achieved only if the speed of the light be defeated in a race.

SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

Forever Enriching and Eternal Longing Instinct in the Nature of Genes

 

 

Feelings do create and can never be inflicted

But that does not mean, the cad is addicted;

 

Grief, sorrow, happiness, lust and truth, are a part of one’s life

And each shares a different room, in his own hive.

 

Never judge a person on the feelings bestowed

As HE created all, under the same abode;

 

Feelings are developed on every eye we belong

And that might suffice a man, to carry you along.

 

Faults are counted on the person we hate

But there may be certain reasons for which, we regret;

 

Try to look any child, with an eye of care

This overlooks his mischief, under the same umbrella we share.

 

No one is perfect, as we all possess vices

Selfish makes a person to pay certain prices;

 

Decide to console a person, with the power of love

In return GOD places you on a sight, blue sky above.

 

Quite easy for all, to develop the feeling of hatred

But maintaining the word of trust should never be betrayed;

 

Any relation is based on the feeling of faith

Cause he might stay with U even after your death.

 

Some people feel good to pinch you in agony

Even the smiles can fail to free you from disharmony;

 

Never go near anyone, to show virtual satisfaction

Cause you might hurt him more, without an intension.

 

Sometimes deeds are done, which makes us feel sorry

But make sure for the next time, you need not worry;

 

Never felt like talking to the person we envy

As he might look gentle but still look shabby.

 

We love each other, more than the lust

But teenagers develop the latter and habits do grow fast;

 

Tourists travel places with a longing desire

And nature serves us all, in its utmost attire.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deep heartfelt sorrows, when make us look numb

But even the soft voice of a cuckoo can make you look dumb;

 

Wars and battles throbs our hearts go wild

Even an old man becomes patriot, more than a child.

 

Bullying and killing and then starts to hate

Seeing all these, even the sun decides to fade;

 

Curiosity and temptation are the two face of a coin

A person lacking in both, have no race to join.

 

Boat without a rudder relates to a life with no aim

Achievement is the word, which even his shadow cannot claim;

 

Tolerance is an art that can create a milestone

Though feel lonely, but have the satisfaction of own;

 

Forgive and forget, but people do not have a belief

If maintained at times stress does get a relief.

 

Fear, hunger and slumber are certain manias

Such minds become idle and crowd with phobias;

 

Being feeling dejected how often we cry

Try to smile in all spheres so that your tears run dry.

 

Always have an effort to make others smile

See the results as your happiness will stack in a pile;

 

Jealously, hoax, sadism, lies and cheat, never keep in your dictionary

Otherwise life would be bitter, although filled with confectionery.

 

Deal with people in a mutual understanding

Cause emotions and happiness needs a dedicated blending;

 

Respect and care those who stayed when, we were in toddlers

As we might never find them, in the future calendars.

 

Develop your core with honest soft feelings

Never feel alone as feelings do have the healings.

 

                                                     SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

LORD OF THE WORD

Rise and fall of ones fame starts with the  name no matter how fair he played the game but it takes only a second to taste the heart burning blame out of a jealous character made alive in their eyes like the red flame rather than fearing to unravel the shame in facing the question of the conscience which they preserved as a jinx to tame actually covering the painful wound that they failed in reaching a common aim of life and still standing as a lame by making it look so simple as if they are all the same till the final results would claim disclosing a bitter fact which will put them behind the virtual bars however ironically, left with nothing to acclaim except personifying themselves in accumulating guts to bow down before the ugly truth which sealed their fates by only an option that they should  rename their streets for the sake of saving each one of them from being a part of the defame evolved from the licentious notions treasured on a trivial note never expecting that this particular realization came out of the blue and flashed their inhuman asset though a little late since till date, were following a negative frame but the writer of this entire theme although by staying away from the spot neglecting the paranormal belief as to how odd he appeared in front of the dead crowd who are always ready to spit poison through their sarcastic comments could hardly left him in smiles to recollect and turn the pages of his memoir in utter solace, honestly justifying himself to hardly reclaim his lost position, regain the never ending confidence and those prized possessions.

                                

 

                                          SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

NATURE OF THE NATURE

 

 

NATURE is the MOTHER of all

Cares us but never can SHE fall;

 

During winter as HER cold winds blow

In silence, a melancholy strain flow.

 

When the unrest dry leaves flutter

SHE jumps in joy and flies without a matter;

 

Stepping on those SHE do makes a crackle

This is just the NATURE which you need not tackle.

 

Streams keeps on flowing with certain speed

But never in life, has SHE changed HER creed?

 

Lovely clean flowers as in the morning they cherish

Brings a smile on HER cheeks, forgetting all queries;

 

Glowing in their colors as further they bloom

Fills HER heart with love and leaves no room.

 

Love is in the air in every aspect of NATURE

Breathe in those and release your pressure;

 

NATURE has the cure for our every ailment

No matter how SHE hides HER touching lament.

 

NATURE does cry and tears fall as rain

But no one cares to wipe and they dries in pain;

 

We close our eyes and doors, when dusty winds blow

But NATURE has no shelter, so keeps HER pair down in low.

 

Deforestation is led by us and never by any other

HER kith and kin bleed out of a shudder;

 

Volcanoes erupt and SHE mostly bears the turmoil

But still SHE remains numb covering in a foil.

 

Lightning creates havoc and causes a thunderbolt

None to hear HER shrill and dares to halt;

 

Uproots HER age old roots by a tornado or cyclone

Unbearable to cover HER pain but SHE cries alone.

 

Pierces HER core with pillars when we construct huge structures

Should not we worry as those leaves HER in raptures?

 

 

 

 

Unable to bear every knock we blow and replies in a tide

Might take a few lives but SHE achieves no pride;

 

Never mock HER, as SHE bears a stack of agony

Also in despair still serves us with the honey.

 

Cools our warmth under HER shade

And protects us till the sunshine decides to evade;

 

Soothes our sight with HER morning greenery

Answering in thunders is also in HER armory.

 

Have a heart filled with humane and care

Traces HER fingers through our hair, might look as the air;

 

Loves to feel us, playing on HER chest

In hiding HER agony SHE becomes the best.

 

Never forgets to say for us, in HER daily praying

But we rude people have ever praised HER in saying?

 

SHE doesn’t count these and forgives us all

Cause GOD does the counting if SHE gives HIM a call;

 

Rubs our sweat and wipes the tears with HER soft breeze

But inhuman brutal killings leave HER in utter freeze.

 

Humans are not cannibals, but today they behave as such

And in return hurt our MOTHER NATURE so much;

 

GOD created us as the most superiors

But these deeds have made us look inferiors.

 

Still the NATURE forgives all to start everything as new

And blessings do shower, but can be realized only by a few;

 

The NATURE of our NATURE has treasured more, if we go in deep

Today’s world cannot view those without the eternal sleep.

 

 

                                                   SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

COUNT THE THOUGHTS, NOT THE WORDS

 

Fear of falling in my eye

She preferred to bid me a good bye;

 

Wiping her tears over a cozy pillow

Decides to rest over the branch of a willow.

 

Agreed, that I started the relation like a race

But never thought it will end with no chase;

 

My emotions she considered as bogus

When tried to brighten it with honest focus.

 

Perhaps now she feels good to spit on my name

Time was there when she loved to be a part of my fame;

 

Thought of a nap under the shades of her hair

No rights now left to consider as perfect pair.

 

Dare not to ask after the glimpse of her sullen

As she promised not to melt even in the thread of the linen;

 

Counted on MY WORDS, never on THE THOUGHTS

Believe me I STILL LOVE her in lots.

 

Left me ALL ALONE TO DIE biting the frost;

NEVER WILL SHE RETURN even when I am lost.

 

                               SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

REINCARNATION….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lost in the woods after a snivel

Back on the roads killing the devil;

 

Trust and honesty will personify my REINCARNATION

Spreading the smile will be with no obligation.

 

Instigating my pulse after saw her giggle in sly

 But she left me with no wings to fly;

 

 Somebody, somewhere perhaps waiting for me

 Hope I settle myself before she comes here to see.

 

Chopping my bitter moments on the edge of a sword

And now ready to play the final chord;

 

Inflicting myself with pain to be the man of substance

Cause to reach the dream is now just a matter of instance.

 

Tracing up in shine to reach the culmination

Hope will not walk down the path leading to any defamation.

 

 

                                        SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

A WHITE ROSE IN YELLOW PETALS BEARING THE FRAGRANCE OF RED.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A relation though needs to shine in the colors of whims and desires but the sweetness of time and the gravity of faith address themselves as the parallel bars of the ladder over which it stands to grow.

Many conflicting scenarios might be sketched and laid upon for an end to any relation but many a times if some hidden facets to gain an upper hand amongst the two are overlooked then it continues to construct a road made of raw materials like curiosity, understanding and care leading to a never ending journey. Cause feelings cannot be inflicted but needs to be created which is the backbone of a relation along with the starting stone of true belief for each other.

The title that I felt good to decipher this confusing dice for many hearts but nevertheless an honest one is basically having the concepts of just a single relationship dipped in all the waters of friendship and love backing up a common ray of loyalty to make it shine even in the gloominess of the dark clouds and play the finest chords for the symphony without rethinking.

It started off for me on a normal mode but was pretty absurd for the owner holding the other end of this string cause has never let it grow at will for those who are not acquainted to her before making it count on the pages of a memoir. Unfortunately, not been able to recall the exact pulse and date but was definitely an impulse to be colored in yellow petals to begin with over the platform of divine friendship though out of the blue cause am still a novice to grab the missing points in holding and maintaining any relationship till the last breath.

But perhaps the omnipotent this time had decided to put an extra effort where if not me the other one had the positive interest in growing this friendship by collecting all the pieces that I tore with threads of patience to stitch the piece of linen as was a little more in age as compared to mine. Although this factor never was brought in the limelight to decide who becomes the cynosure in this relationship because we both had the spark in respective eyes to see each ones reflection over the retina where even if a drop of tear dares to interrupt in between our visions be that only just to make it look more clean and clear searching the soft smile.

Time rolled on and we both decided to be a bit stable rather than climbing from post to pillars in pace with the notion to view the deepest horizon before the poisonous bite of the evil sentiments of people out of jealousy to bring a separation where we have never given a second thought to put the final dot no matter how rough and blotting the sheet might be but instead took an oath with the conscience that the ink that will be utilized to illustrate that dot, will suffice for starting a whole new story under the name and fame of both the hearts bearing the fragrance of the red rose.

Never encrypted the cipher of our relationship with traits like chauvinism, sarcasm or even over possessiveness but on the contrary outshined those with sacrifice, humbleness and sincerity. Not boasting but till I was framing this piece of moment there flashed never even a glimpse where we both nullified any desire to lead the life of a libertine nor felt the necessity of wearing a ring studded with the stone called as the cat’s eye. Sometimes we do get the itching of hectic schedule each busy like the bee building the hive of professional attire but still managed to overcome the nasty intensions of our foes if fail to share an incident but had to leave on a temporary note to bite the dust before turning into a memory.

It would be unwise if I leave out those tit bits without much exaggeration where even a white rose was exchanged but never decorated that phase out of any desired fabrication or intensions to extract the milk out of the sugar coated words lose their originality and behave as more lethal than the sword for a longer version. We did not follow the doctrine of stretching the gist of the buried hatchet because it is always easier to lose the one we gained in years in just the next fraction of a second. Never even cared to be a part of any haywire environment where the height of irritation overshadows the mutual tolerance factor because we can never predict as to when even a sapling of suspicion starts to grow into a grown up tree of thorns focusing just the hard times and diminishing the hours of glee.

Keeping my fingers crossed in fear of those who might be in search of a loop through which they may try to put any of us in blemish and still dare to turn as an intentional flaw never though encoded in my book of law. Simple reason behind this is that I always have failed to handle any of the relations grow long enough with the inch of my age so do not even try to dream in the day light hours with eyes wide open concocting just the glimpse of its end at least before death – the ultimate leveler destines our fates. Putting our efforts fall in a common interest out of the hell lot of uncommon characters we hold in respective sense cause on this time slot we both addresses and personifies the other one to be ranked just next to the omnipotent on the concept as to how much we have shared and have come close over a clean meaning from all the moral corners of the brain. Not trying to be gutsy enough to plunge into the risk of whether such a relation can really exist even in this era of hatred and selfishness where every single life born as humans after attaining maturity decides to take undue advantage of any relationship and finally ends in utter pell-mell which leads to jeopardize the natural phenomena of life and thus creating havoc in the minds of the older generation to be an example in viewing the end of a race biologically known as ‘homo sapiens’.

 

                                            SUBHRALIN THAKURIA

DIAMOND RING OVER A GOLDEN LEAF

 

 There are certain clock pulses in our life which never possess a replica throughout the lifetime and if happens to make it count before the last wink then we all can get the feel of a little lucky in someway or the other.

Such a priceless moment can be made to be bestowed with utter depiction over my leaf of memoir which turned into gold through the spark of the diamond studded in the solar ring of out brightest star.

It was 22^nd of July 2009 which should have the normal approach of a start with the dawn making it grow in utter positive glow of the sun but rather it was something to be considered more than paranormal as the clock hands were just striking at half an hour past 5 in the morning. It would look more relevant and convincing if I decipher it to be still partially dark and giving hints of more dark shades to follow where even few stars could be found visible at around 6:00 a.m. along with birds retracing the flight back to their nests. It was against the usual sight found where beam of sparkling clean sharp sun rays always reflects the left over droplets of the last night’s dew glittering on the blades of the grass coat.

Although I am not trying to go in details of the facts and figures as to why the credentials of this total solar eclipse was depicted special enough but still making a decent effort to put just a glimpse of the facets making it more eye catching over a newspaper headline or any news reader’s speech. The day was marked as a red letter one cause the same will occur after a long span of 900 years in between the starting inverted comma and even the final dot of many a generation where not a single can get to make their dreams come true and be a part of such an auspicious moment where the planet earth was in the closest proximity of its elliptical orbit revolving round the sun just few months ahead of the equinox.

A similar sort of everlasting memory happened to encode my memoir when I was still in the early days of childhood. Scintillating out of the blue it made me feel a little lucky though not boasting than those born after 7^th of June 1989 where the time ticking was 23 minutes 45 seconds past 1p.m. cause that sequence of the ten digits (0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) will never ever be visible in any time slot for the human era.

These are the two celestial events of my life where every impulse I count, makes it more of a value than even the diamond ring but still have to curb down my feelings decorated in sugar coated frames within the possible 26 alphabets of the English literature. But still the golden page of my memoir bears the fragrance as if occurred just before framing this sentence. I would not feel good to even give a second thought considering those two beats of my soft core to be mesmerizing and still creating an insatiable curiosity to make it come alive once more in the next blink of the eye with utter most planning still hovering my mind to plot in order to rejoice those till the last drop of tear out of a smile.

                                        SUBHRALIN THAKURIA